Not sure what to say to a struggling friend? Learn supportive alternatives that truly help
We’ve all been there—you see a friend going through a tough time, and you want to help, but the words just don’t come out right. Maybe you worry about saying the wrong thing, or maybe you fall back on a cliché that doesn’t land the way you intended.
The truth is, most people don’t need you to “fix” their problems. What they want is to feel seen, heard, and supported. Let’s walk through some common phrases that don’t help—and what you can say instead.
1. “Just cheer up!”
This usually comes from a good place, but it can feel dismissive—like you’re brushing off their feelings.
✅ Try this instead:
“I can see you’re having a tough time. Do you want to talk about it, or would you rather I just sit with you for a bit?”
Sometimes, presence matters more than pep talks.
2. “Other people have it worse.”
While it may be true, comparisons don’t ease someone’s pain. It usually just adds guilt on top of what they’re already feeling.
✅ Try this instead:
“I know things feel heavy right now. Your feelings are valid, and I’m here for you.”
Validation goes a long way in helping someone feel safe to open up.
3. “You’ll get over it.”
It might be meant as reassurance, but it can sound like you’re minimizing what they’re going through.
✅ Try this instead:
“I know this won’t last forever, but I also know it feels really hard right now. What do you need most today?”
This balances hope with compassion.
4. “I know exactly how you feel.”
Even if you’ve experienced something similar, everyone’s pain is unique. Saying this can unintentionally shift the focus back to you.
✅ Try this instead:
“I can’t pretend to know exactly what you’re going through, but I care about you and want to support you.”
Leave space for their story, not yours.
5. Saying nothing at all.
Silence sometimes comes from not knowing what to say—but to your friend, it can feel like disinterest.
✅ Try this instead:
A simple, “I’m thinking of you” or “I’m here if you need me” is better than nothing. Even sending a quick message shows you care.
The Bottom Line
You don’t need the perfect words to support a friend who’s struggling. What matters most is your empathy, presence, and willingness to listen without judgment.
Small shifts in language can help your friend feel less alone—and that’s often the best gift you can give.
💡 Want more ways to support your own well-being (and others’)? Check out mymentalsummit.com for tools and insights.
👉 Don’t forget to download your free Stress Management Tool to keep your own energy steady while showing up for the people you love.